British coastline - early morning sunshine.

After another restless night's sleep and spending Saturday sleeping. Yes, that's right, I was out of it on Saturday - thank you anti-depressants for that little treat! So when I awoke Sunday at 7 and couldn't get back to sleep I lay for a while and decided to get up. I was happy just to be able to get out of bed to be honest. After having breakfast I decided I wanted to clean so I got my fetching pink gloves on and got scrubbing the bathroom. After that morning fun, it was still only 9am.

I looked outside and the sun was shining and I wanted to be in it. I knew it would not be hot but it looked fresh and bright. So I put the first things on I picked from my closet, grabbed my ipod and hoodie and left the house. I then drove to the coast. Where I live it's only a 20 minute drive to a beach but it's not somewhere I head to often. Today, I was glad I did.

Bright and breezy

The sun was shining and I walked along and back again the shoreline. Having my feet in the sand and feeling the sun on me calmed me. I felt like I was breathing for the first time in a long time. The sea waves and the brisk feel was amazing. I had my shades on and enjoyed my own company. Being so early the beach was quiet with a few dog walkers about. I can't explain how amazing it felt ... free almost. I wanted to share a few beach photos with you all and even a sneaky pic of myself! 

Heart in the sand...

Wrapped up and enjoying the sun...

Happy Sunday everyone!

Accepting depression in my life.

I have been quite open with some of my struggles as of late and today I am keeping that going. It is difficult to be so open but I want to be able to help others and if that means sharing my experiences then I am happy to.

For the past two weeks I have been taking Sertraline (Zoloft) to try and tackle the issues I have been dealing with. After many months of iron issues, attempts at therapy and discussion of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome or Depression, I have finally began to accept I am suffering from depression. Initially, my doctor broached the idea of depression earlier this year but I was adamant there was nothing the matter and that after iron help I would be fine. That didn't happen. The crushing fatigue I faced day in and day out did not ease. I had the odd good day but overall all I wanted to do was sleep, rest or just literally stay in bed.

[Source]

I began to understand there was an issue and that I had to find the issue and deal with it. So I spent my summer break resting and reading up on Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Depression. After much reading I began to see that my symptoms ( in reality - my life) was more concurrent with depression. The overwhelming nothingness of some days, the emotional tars which were cried - often for no reason- the inability to get out of bed or find any motivation to start the day and the daily living jobs which I just neglected. I did not share these feelings with many people at all.

[Source]

Through not sharing, I felt like I was able to try and push them away. The less I spoke of them the better. I admit that I was embarrassed by this. I felt like I had failed. Failed myself. Failed my family. Failed my late brother.

How had I not been able to cope with my life and ended up here? I was aware of what I went through last year and the personal illnesses which followed, however,why was I unable to deal with all these things. Surely it shouldn't have been that difficult? But it was.

At the end of the summer I visited my doctor once again. I discussed things and between us I decided to try anti-depressants. I have a problem and they are there to support and help. I want my life to be stable again. I want to be able to enjoy my life and the company of those around me. I have shared my situation with people around me but it's hard to be brutally honest. I am finding that, although extremely common, depression is still something very much mis-understood. People who are close to me, have even said, "Just find what makes you unhappy." But that's not what depression is. It's not a clear cut happy and sad situation. It's a cloud of darkness some days.

Have I fully accepted my situation? No. I still find myself fighting it and trying to just 'get on with it'. But slowly I am beginning to listen to my body and trying to slow down. My body and mind needs to heal. With a little help and TLC I hope I can reach the place I want to find again.

[Source]

Have you suffered from depression? Did you struggle to accept it?

Teaching Fashion...

I have been back to school for nearly 4 weeks and I also work hard to try and look my best. A favourite song quote of mine is:

" No challenge should be faced without a little charm and a lot of style."
The Bluetones

So for that reason I always try and dress my best. If you look good you feel good. I decided I would link up with Nicole at Bloom and share a couple of my work outfits!

Do you have a favourite work outfit?

Lost...

Check out my pinterest for more [Source]

Sometimes we all have those difficult moments where we don't quite know who we are, where we are or even where we are going. Feeling lost can lead to great moments as well as moments of darkness. We all need to support each other in our lives as you never know when you will be the lost one, looking for some kind of light. 

Still going!

I am now into my 3rd week back to school and I am still standing. The start of term has gone surprisingly well. I admit that I have been working at a high level most days but that has meant a more organised and calmer environment.

Would you believe that I have also managed to delegate some small tasks? One wasn't done correctly but hey, easily fixed. Delegation was something I needed to work on and hopefully this will be a good pressure easer.

Sometimes other people just won't help out ... [Source]

My biggest achievement is the taming of a child who was on the brink of permanent exclusion by the end of last academic year and who had crisis moments nearly every lesson. So far, no problems with him at all. He is happy and settled and a part of the class again. That makes me feel good!

This week is a new challenge for me. I am about to enter a new uphill struggle in my life but I am being positive and know that I can do this. It may take some time and it may be difficult but I can do it. I will be updating you all very soon.

[Source]

           How do you keep the positivity alive?

Monday's Musings

[Source]

[Source]

[Source]

Happy Monday all! Hope you all have compassion and are surrounded by those you can open up to!

Frugal living... money saving time.

A few weeks back I blogged about my new savings routine of using envelopes to help focus my spending habits. It's not that I was going over budget as such, I just hadn't really set myself a budget. With being unwell, the last thing my head could deal with was numbers and bills so I admit I buried my head slightly.

Also, with my sister's wedding, I spent a lot more than I thought with the little things I helped with as well as the wedding necessities such as hair, beauty, jewellery etc. So after this I decided it was time I began to take stock of my incomings and outgoings and to see where I could gain a little extra cash!

If you are wondering about the envelope system click here. 

So, I set my envelopes up and began a month of cash spending. I have to say, it does take some discipline but, being slightly OCD, I stuck to my routine and get on with it. When my mind was set on the saving it was amazing how focused I became. No more mid week take away (my figure AND bank balance will thank me for that), no more supermarket browsing or rash purchases. 

Time to help myself [Source]

My weekly shop is where I have made some amazing savings! I have switched supermarkets. I decided to try a supermarket which markets itself as a budget place. Where best to start? So I decided I would do a weeks shop there and check out the products. I liked all the food and realised that I had saved money so that was my first brainwave. I then realised I would wander aimlessly shopping so decided to tackle that. So what did I do? I made myself a meal plan.

My attitude when going food shopping... without a list! [Source]

The meal plan kinda worked in two ways. Earlier in the year I had severe anaemia and began to look at my eating habits (yep, take away was not going to help here either) and started to change. I began to eat healthier. With the realisation of my high anxiety I began to plan more and put this into my meal times. Before shopping, I make a list of what I will have for tea each night as well as my dinner and shop accordingly. I do throw in a treat each week because I am not THAT self disciplined. From planning, my shop is much more effective and when it is written down, I am more likely to eat regular meals because I don't have a a panic over what to cook when I return from work. 

So, what is the savings of this? Something which takes me a minute to plan. Well, I have been saving around £12 a week!!That's about $18. That almost pays for my petrol for the week.

It's like free money, kind of... ok, not really! [Source]

I have also began to search for vouchers and coupons which has led me to save on my fitness regime. Through using a voucher, I saved £10 on a monthly membership and got it for £25 ( I was currently paying £8 a week). My nights out money was set aside at the start of the month and I have to say this has been a big saving just because I haven't had many nights out lately (that's another story).

By using cash, I am really starting to see how much money I am spending and I am much less likely to just make a rash purchase. When I use my cash card I don't think too much, it just all adds up! I still carry my card for emergencies but I've only used it once so far. 

As well as saving money, I have been trying to make some money. When I moved into my own apartment, the person I bought it from said I could keep the wardrobes, sofa bed and coffee table. I was going to throw them out but then thought... Surely I can make some money from these? So I put them on Gumtree which is an on line selling website. I've nearly sold all so with that I have even MADE over £100 profit! No one can say I'm not taking my NYC savings seriously! 

It's amazing how focused I can be sometimes [Source]

All in all, I am feeling confident for my final savings total for the month! 

Do you have any money saving tips?

5 Things link up - School Days Edition

I'm joining with 'Five Things' link up today - school time!

1: Making it through the week. 
After having such a difficult year or so I began to question my ability to teach. Was I good enough? Could I handle it? Those kind of negative statements. However, after my first week back in school for the new academic year (my 7th year teaching) I have realised that I am brilliant at what I do. Now I am not saying this is going to be an easy year, because it won't but I know I can do it! If I have more health problems, I deal with those and detach those negative jobs from my job abilility.

A good week but now I felt like this all day today ... [Source]

2:My patience
This year has seen me have a very demanding, physically agressive and tempremental child (towards other children and staff) join my class. I was aprehensive to say the least. But, I have put my patience to good use and given him the time and attention he craves. I made tailored beahviour charts and worked with him. The response... a child who is completely different to the one in the school the past two years. He has never had to be removed from class, works at tables with others and completed all his work. I know that it will be a long journey and I know that he will have his moments but to make it a week without any crisis moments is a great achievement for us both. Oh, and he told another teacher that I am, "Awesome." High praise indeed. 

[Source]

3: Drive and ambition
First week back and my school completed a Sports Day. If you've ever been to the UK or live here, you will know the weather is not the most reliable. So we had to cancel all our dates last academic year due to rain. So we moved it to first week back. It was certaintly something which weighed on my mind all Summer but it went great. Crazy to have it first week back but we did it and it went smoothly.

I'm in charge here... [Source]

4: New books
I love things to look neat and I definitly set high expectations of my class. One of my favourite things is to mark wok in new books. All the pages are immaculate and the covers are all clean. As the year goes by they become dog eared and well worked. Which is great because they are worked in but the pristine books... I love it!

[Source]

5: A fresh start
We all have ups and downs. It's life. My life had mostly downs the last couple of academic years. It hasn't been the easiest but this year it's a fresh start. I am looking at this as being my first year again. I am finding ways to be more productive and learning to delegate and have fun again. It may seem like a small thing but I hope this is the making of me both mentally and physically again. Goodness knows I need some stability!

[Source]

What are you pleased with this week?

Back to school ... back to madness.

I have been back to school now for 3 days (2 with kids). It has been, dare I say it, fun! I was extremely apprehensive about the return after the year I had last year. But I have realised that I can still teach and teach well. My class are settling well and the child who was a big problem last year has responded well and so I can only hope that continues.

My favourite moment so far has been when one child said to me:

"Miss... I actually like this class It's really good."

I could see the look of happiness and excitement on his face and I knew the classroom environment was perfect at that moment.

Classroom organisation ... most important aspect of back to school [Source]

My headteacher visited the classrooms on the first day and after speaking to the children about their work ethics for the year told them:

"You are very lucky to have Missy, if you've spoke to other children who've had her you'll know how much they enjoyed her class. You have to look after Missy too, she's very special."

This was so lovely to hear and made me feel happy. I felt like I was supported and valued by my head teacher. It was an inspiring thought.

Why thank you! [Source]

As good as the week is going, it's not to say I am not feeling tired. I can feel my body wearing down and the tiredness when waking in the morning. I am getting up on time and dressing nicely to feel better but I can already feel the slipping. I am doing all the right things though, I have meal plans and I am making lunches the day before. I am also having very early nights - for me anyway - and resting my body as much as possible. Delegating tasks? Well, we'll take it one step at a time I think.



What gets you through a long week?

“Tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I learn.” - Benjamin Franklin

Today's post is all about education. Why? I have only just completed my first day back at school. The stage is set for 30 new minds to enter my classroom and be ready to learn all new and wonderful things. I may be a bit MIA this week but it will just be while I settle into my new routine again. 

Wish me luck!

 

 All images are from my Pinterest : Check it out by clicking here!

Oh NYC ... if I must!

I booked up for a trip to NYC in October school holidays. I can not wait! This year has been most unusual, I have made it to September and I haven't left the country! In previous years I have been away travelling and I loved it. But buying my first property and dealing with health issues has left me confined to home.

I love home, I really do but I have itchy feet. Feet that want to move and want to travel. So I sat down with my finances and decided that I could afford a trip away. So where was I to plan? New York City of course!

I am no stranger to the city - having visited it many, many times (just to share a few) : see here, here and here.

There is something about the city which I love. It has a pull which I can not shake, as soon as I sit in the cab and make my way into the city I feel at home. So to book this city break is going to keep me going through the first half term of the new school year. 

I love this city.

What recommendations would you give for NYC?